I can't
Like I literally can not.
I don't even...omfg. I CAN'T. I JUST
I CANNOT.
I CAN NOT EXPRESS MY...
some sort of positive feeling?...towards Black Veil Brides, I just omfg. I can't put into words how grateful I am. Buuut I guess I can try..ok.
This band is my livelihood. They keep my heart beating. I can't tell you how many times I've sat alone in my room, silently weeping, in the dead of night, with a razor blade in my hand listening to Black Veil Brides. Summer of 2011 was the worst. In addition to my self-harming habit spiraling out of control, I also started drinking sometime in June or July. Every night, drink, puke, cut. Drink, puke, cut. Drink, puke, cut. I had these awful nightmares...lots of fire, sharp things, screaming, mirrors (I hated looking in the mirror), blood, and people laughing at me...I didn't sleep very much because I was trying to avoid them. After a few days awake, though, I'd bash myself to sleep, so the nightmares weren't so bad. I'd wake up with scratches and bruises everywhere, but the nightmares weren't too bad.
Black Veil Brides released their second studio album, Set the World on Fire, June 14, 2011. My favorite song, immediately, was "Ritual:"
"Praying for what your heart brings
Thoughts of escape and bloodshot eyes
You're barely sleeping, no longer dreaming
Now what you do to feel alive
Rise up and celebrate your life
We're not alone in our ritual
Sing for what you feel inside
Becoming one with our ritual
Singing songs of the old days
Try to remember what's gone by
Stronger in new ways
Don't care what they say,
This is your life
It's time to rejoice
Rise up and celebrate your life
We're not alone in our ritual
Sing for what you feel inside
Becoming one with our ritual
Our destiny is what we learned
Together wanting something more
Their misery and demons burn
A feeling that's worth fighting for
Rise up and celebrate your life
We're not alone in our ritual
Sing for what you feel inside
Becoming one with our ritual
Rise up and celebrate your life
We're not alone in our ritual
Sing for what you feel inside
Becoming one with our ritual"
Thoughts of escape and bloodshot eyes.
Barely sleeping.
No longer dreaming.
What I did to feel alive.
Summer 2011 in a nutshell...Hell.
The last few plucks of the guitar strings at the end of "Ritual" absolutely shattered me. In a good way, if that makes sense. I don't know. It was consonant in a very strange kind of way...compared to the dissonant mess my life was at the time. Even though the chord itself wasn't like, extremely intricate or difficult to play, it felt like they were tugging at my heart strings. It made me feel...um. It just made me feel. It was (and still is) an incredible alternative to what I usually did to make myself feel again. Cutcutcutcutcut. Anyone else struggling with self-injury knows what I mean...the numbness that consumes you...it's like, there's so much pain you're dealing with. Humans aren't wired to handle so much pain at one time. There's so much emotional pain wrapping its cold, calloused hands around your neck that sometimes you can't even feel it. You know it's there, it's just numb. When you harm yourself, though, you have control over the pain you're feeling. You'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.
If I hadn't been as self-destructive as I was at the time, I know it wouldn't have had that effect on me. But I'm grateful that it did.
When I say that Black Veil Brides saved my life, I mean it.
That's why I get so pissed off when people hate on them for no good reason. Like, I don't care if you don't like their music. I do care, though, if you think they're KISS-wannabe faggots.
I mean, I can see why they're always being compared to KISS. It's a theatrical thing - the makeup and whatnot. And obviously, they're both rock bands. I get it, I'm not blind. Haha. Saying that they're a wannabe KISS, though...no. The lyrical aspects of those two bands are completely different. People will see that their album is titled "Set the World on Fire" and think "'Flaming youth will set the world on fire' omg dirty rotten thieves."
Black Veil Brides were influenced, to a certain extent, by KISS. They are not, however, aspiring to be KISS; they're aspiring to be Black Veil Brides.
And I've heard countless times from people at school - who are aware of my previous self-injuring "habit" - that Black Veil Brides are the reason I've hurt myself. I wore rubber bracelets with their name/logo on them every day and they covered up most of my scars. Sometimes, during school, I'd look at my arm and think, "I hate these fucking scars. I hate these illustrations of weakness and regret. I hate myself." Next to them, though, would always be the simple promise that I wasn't alone. It sounds lame, but it's true.
I can say with sincerity that Black Veil Brides makes me feel like I belong somewhere.
Soooooooo in conclusion...
Andy Biersack
Ashley Purdy
Jake Pitts
Jinxx
CC
Thank you for existing.
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